“Integrity is telling myself the truth, honesty is telling other people the truth”  I feel duty bound to tell you now that I, the author, watched the first two plays of this game, before being dragged off the field with a hurty knee ( yes another one).

By Mitchell "Carebear" Holt

 Under the instruction of the ambulance man I went back in doors and got changed. As such it is only right to warn you that this match report is only very loosely based on actual events. It has been comprised by the self aggrandising and chest thumping accounts of Adam Lillis, and the modest self deprecating input of Russell Jordan. Added to these ingredients are a snippet of wishful thinking and no small dash of imagination. And so, without any further disclaimer let us remember the words of Thomas Jefferson, “Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom”

It was a glorious sunny bank holiday weekend. Sunday was living up to its name and the golden rays were beating down upon the honest, sweating brows of the Mavericks football players.  Today would be a day of heroes. Today would be a day to put together all the theory and practice of the previous weeks and months. This was the day of the first regular season, competitive division one game for the East Kent Mavericks. 

The captains of both teams strode out to the centre of the field. Both sides were eyeing up the opposition, sizing up the opposing captains looking for signs of weakness. As the silver disk of destiny was tossed, the sun glinted briefly off its brilliant surface and it landed with the queen gazing encouragingly at the Mavericks captains. The captains would take the bull by the horns and they elected to receive the football.

As the only tiny cumulous cloud of the day wandered in Wordsworthian loneliness across the face of the sun, the Mavericks kick return team took to the field. Greg Mutyambizi confidently got on the end of the Ipswich kick and under the brief shadow of the transient vapour above he charged straight up the middle of the field. The rest of the team were reliably making hard, down field blocks, clearing the road for Greg’s small and dainty feet to earn a comfortable midfield starting position for the Mavericks offence to go to work. Whilst the offense were lined up exhibiting their new-for-this-season I formation, the single cloud above slid on by.

As the scorching sun broke loose once again; as did all hell. The first play of the game would be a lead play up the left hand side of the line. The ball was snapped and like the Red Sea before Moses, a gap opened up in the line of scrimmage right in front of lead blocker, CareBear the Heroic. The lead blocker crashed through the gap and locked horns with a hapless outside line backer. Meanwhile, much like the Red Sea upon the Egyptians, the gap closed in on Hapless ball carrier Gary Welch. Once the valiant Mavericks offensive line had opened the gap, the strong and athletic Cardinals D-line were not ones to give up and surrender a loss. They efficiently and quickly plugged the holes and smothered the run play at the line. The following play would be another run to the opposite side of the line. This time a quick smash and grab dive to the fullback. The D tackle on this side of the line would prove to be of equal prowess as his colleagues on the other side. He managed to force his way through the block and make the tackle on CareBear the Deflated. At this point running back Mitchell Holt was forced to retire from the field, with barely a slight grunt of manly discomfort and irritation he was carried from the field, his knee hanging by a thread. CareBear of the Hurty Knee hobbled back in doors to lick his wounds whilst the Mavericks rallied round to continue taking the fight to the Cardinals.

 The game would continue in a similar vein. The horrific weather (that bit about the sun earlier was lies) would hamper and efforts to move the ball through the air from both teams. A fact which both teams’ defences took advantage of, by stacking the box with defenders in order to shut down the running game also. The day was not one for fancy football. Long bombs to the receivers and great pirouetting, mazy runs from the running backs had no place on this field. Tough, up the gut, smash mouth football would be the order of the day. This kind of football takes its toll on the players and CareBear the Cold and Wet would not be the only casualty of the game. Workhorse running back One Punch Welchy had to step out of the game fairly early on. Receiver Tim Palmer and Offensive lineman Mickel Johnson would have their contributions limited by injury also. Unperturbed the Mavericks fought on and the empty shoes were filled by other players.

On the defensive side of the ball the Mavs bent but did not break for a good number of drives at the start of the game. As they have done in the past they again proved to be stalwart and stingy. The constant grinding, pound for pound nature of the game would prove to play in to the hands of the Cardinals though. Their running back #39 appeared to be made for just this kind of football. He would crash  into the line time and time again, slowly grinding down the field and the clock. Finally getting the Cardinals near enough to the goal line for the QB to scramble out of his pocket and complete a short pass for a TD. The extra point was met with fierce resistance from the proud Mavericks defence who penetrated the line in a number of places only to have the effort bear no fruit. The kick was chipped through the uprights and the Cardinals were on the scoreboard.

The rest of the half would follow a similar pattern. A valiant effort from the Maverick’s offense would yield results in fits and starts but these would be too sporadic in nature to put together a convincing yard munching drive. Worthy of particular mention is the determined dash up the middle by new running back Lloyd Ghose. He covered the ground confidently and quickly slipped through the Cardinals defence. 15 yard later with Cardinals defenders desperately chasing him and Mavericks cheers driving him on, it unfortunately became apparent that he had forgotten to bring the ball with him.  This is what comes of having biceps bigger than your own head. There is no room to keep the ball under one’s own arm.  There is probably another Bible analogy that I could use to support this statement of physiological fact, but I shan’t bore you with it.  Suffice it to say that despite a magnificent effort from Ghose the Cardinals took possession of the ball.

Another drive of theirs, characterised by the hard running from #39 would see another touchdown and extra point added to the score sheet.

The Mavericks kick return team are worthy of plaudits. Greg Mutyambizi would returned more than one kick during the day back to the Cardinals half of the field and one short kick fielded by James Robson saw him return the Ball to the Cardinals 35 yard line, bathed in Cardinals players and glory. These efforts would come to little avail though as the Cardinals defence proved themselves up to the task of defending short fields as well as long. Another score would be tacked on to the Ipswich tally ending the half 20-0.The second half would start slowly. Possession of the ball would be won and surrendered as both team now struggled to move the ball in the increasingly boggy terrain.  Maverick’s running backs Graham Swanson and Lloyd Ghose would meet with a little more success carrying the football behind the Herculean efforts of the offensive line. (yes, I can seamlessly blend mythology from multiple cultures within the same piece of prose) (people are always telling me that) (I get tired of hearing it to be honest) Running back Dan Weale arrived at half time and was put into the game and also met with some success carrying the ball on a quick run to the outside for a hefty 20 yard gain. These efforts however would once again prove to be too intermittent to yield points.

The Mavericks defence had adjusted their game since the half and shut out the Ipswich offense for the remainder of the half.  Craig Hunt expertly defended two deep passes, saving what would have been TD scoring plays. They also took a handful of sacks and fumble recoveries. There were a few other bright spots on offense including a couple of completed passes to Gareth Wright under heavy pressure from the D-line. Also Adam Lillis successfully pancaked a huge defensive tackle. And unlike David, Adam brought down Goliath without any weapons at all but his guile, guts and gristle. It was a great pity that CareBear the Indoors was not there to witness and learn the lesson, that when one is trying to knock over a man who is double your size, it’s best to try it when he is looking the other way. 

And so ended the day, the score as gloomy as the weather. The hearts of the Mavericks were undaunted however. They spent the evening smoking cigars supplied by www.holtsofcanterbury.com and very flavoursome they were too. The team has since set to, preparing to take to field again, proud and defiant.